Posted by: newq | May 2, 2009

Every now and then…

Wholly crap has my life been AWESOME

Not ONLY did my re-fi at an afore mentioned sweet rate but other good things happened too.

First, Kristin and I took a day trip around the sound. As we started driving north my personal goal was the Oakley outlet store as I do own enough Oakley sunglasses to feed a small African nation for a month. (currently at 6 pair) Said store happened to be next to the largest casino in WA state. I asked Kristin “Do you have a dollar?” She did and I had one dollar as well. We stopped in to take a look through the place, just a quick lap, and lose our respective dollars. On the way out I stated that we each had to find a machine that spoke to us and bet the entire dollar on the single pull of a slot. I walked off to the side stating “No payout machines are on the aisle.” I saw my target, a Sea Monkeys themed video penny slot machine. As I played my 100 credits (because god forbid you think its real money) I promptly lost my money but won 15 bonus spins, which it would gladly play for me. Over the next 10 minutes, Kristin and I watched as the alien intelligence talked to itself. I didn’t press a button or make a bet. It had its own agenda. Like the lights that flashed as the 1980’s Nickelodeon “Tomorrow People” did when they teleported, it was blinding. Credits won, multipliers gained, bonus bonus spins given. “Why is king-seamonkey, king-seamonkey, food packet, seahorse, bar, a winner but kid-monkey, kid-monkey, kid-monkey, kid-monkey, fishbowl, not?” Who cares because at the end my $1 was $51.25. I have not seen anything more beautiful and moving since the clip of the Brit girl.

It is spring, which means I can pull out the bright colors of my American Apparel T-shirts. My only quarrel is that somewhere along the line they decided to take a normal size shirt and add 3 inches to the bottom. Aren’t kids supposed to be fat? Do they go from fat kids to anorexic emo teens? Is this the new heroin sheik or are tunics back in fashion?

As most of you know I got my P(rofessional)E(ngineer)stamp and can officially certify and be sued for my bad decisions. The highlight was when I actually got the rubber stamp. Like the librarian in Indiana Jones “The Last Crucade” my stamp causes a thunderous noise as if to say HERE I AM. FOLLOW ME. Or when I use it to sign my checks, or use it on mailboxes to tag my turf in direct violation of the law.

I wonder though if the terminology is correct to be a “registered” engineer. Am I to be ashamed? Do I have to go around the neighborhood letting them know I’ve moved into their community? Do I have to end every segment with a list of questions?

Finally, there is the swine flu and of course as a concerned friend you’ll ask “But are you taking precautions to protect yourself?” To which I say that I have burned every copy of Charlotte’s Web I can find as a precaution.

Jason “no one expects a drunk driver at 7:45pm” Newquist

P.S. Despite my earlier swine flu email about piglet and pooh I did not use that to steel the Charlotte’s Web joke… I thought of my joke 2 days ago, the timing is regrettably close.
PPS I wasn’t drunk, just buzzed.
PPSS “Buzzed driving is drunk driving.”
PPPSS I was totally willing to take a breathalyzer had I been pulled over. I stand by my decision.
PPPPSSS “That’s a six pack.” And a six pack costs $110, right Tom?

Posted by: newq | March 18, 2009

And the drums are going a rata tat tat

A fertile turtle to you all. (that’s how you fake an Irish accent, say it fast several times.) I’m going to start with reminding you that, as I said last year, for some of us St. Patrick’s Day is a holy day of obligation. For others, a chance to simply cut loose to good music, or in other words, get “jiggy with it”.

Any arse can celebrate on the weekend when it’s easy. True devotees take time off work to celebrate the important things. I started at 3 and was done at 8…plenty of time to avoid the amateurs and still be coherent for my respectable job (although it may be hard to explain why I’m sleeping on the desk.) As usual, I spent it in an explicitly NON-Irish bar. The kind where they throw a blue puck in the urinal and you can make your own green water. So long as there is a juke box with the Pogues, all is well. (Do I have to pinch my cat because he’s orange?)

As we approach March Madness I was struck by an odd cross marking event. Listen; I know that Disney owns ESPN so I’m not too bothered when I see Goofy giving his breakdown of the team during Bracketology. What DOES bother me is why my 12 pack of AA Energizer batteries decided to include a Shick Quatro razor? Are my batteries going to be prone to a 5 o’clock shadow? Is it that if I get bored I’ll try to shave the battery and then will be so impressed with the way 4 blades smoothly glide over the curved surface that I’ll be convinced that it must work for the line of my jaw or the trick of the Adam’s apple? Perhaps it’s already worked. CURSE YOU MARKETING! But really, wouldn’t it make more sense to include it with a car battery? And why be sexist, why not Lady Shick? Don’t women need AA? Or do their battery needs run closer to 9-V? A-OH! (I don’t even know what that was supposed to mean)

That’s it for me folks remember the 10:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show; it gets a little blue so leave the kids at home. Enjoy the veal, GOODNIGHT!

Jason “You can’t claim to be Irish because you bought a box of thin mints” Newquist
Posted by: newq | February 22, 2009

Jason stars in Tyler Perry’s Jason’s blog

It appears I’ve been taken over by the marketing machine that is Tyler Perry and it is only a matter of time before you too fall. Can you imagine the first stadium to fall? Tyler Perry’s Candlestick? Whoa, I didn’t mean to get personal. Perhaps we could knock him down a peg if we called it Tyler Perry’s field… no wait then he’s still a playa’. DA** it the man just keeps on winning.
My apparent paranoia aside I thought I was over due to bore you with the tedium that is my life. I must also say that the reason I haven’t written sooner is because my weekends have been delightfully filled with the company of Kristin, the same special lady friend of the past few months. So, instead of ranting about the awesomeness of Gambit’s appearance in the new X-men Origins movie, or the $50 beer cooler I won at the Packer bar raffle, I focus more on the delightful play of sea otters at the aquarium and the quiet nights watching Six Feet Under on DVDs.
I feel I may have failed you somehow. (Kristin please pay no attention to that last statement.)
Ok, first on the awesome list… clear duct tape. Like transparent aluminum, why was this so hard to figure out? Packing tape was 80% there? Was it because it wasn’t in Star Trek first? What does this mean? It means that the duct tape wallet is now invisible meaning you money just appears to float in thin air…. ooooh spooky.
(It appears that the real threat is not Tyler Perry but wikis)
I think the next item of note is my militant running of our condo meetings for the last 2 years. I’m tired. I’m fried. I’m the only man on a board with 5 other women. We used to spend a lot of time talking about our feelings, excuse me, I spent a lot of time listening to their feelings…. Eff that. I am an engineer, I like black and white, yeas or nays as the crosswords puzzles go. I generally get one or two abstentions on our votes because they must have eaten a lot of waffles for breakfast. That’s fine, New York can abstain as courteously as it wants but a majority rules. O’doyle rules, we’ve taken a vote, if you don’t like it kick me out because I’d be happy to go.
We did have some excitement this past week as I woke up to the acrid smell of burning plastic at 12:30 AM. I opened the blinds to see two firemen walking in our alley. I closed the window and went back to sleep. If they are already here what am I going to do? These are the actions of a concerned leader. 😛 (It turned out to be an accidental dumpster fire in our neighbors dumpster. It’s okay, our adjacent dumpster was undamaged, thank you for your concern.)
On the other side of the coin I was just elected VP of our church council. What a fantastic change. I’ve been in churches with problems, the only problem we have is our growth and how we expand to meet it. If all you do at work is deal with problems I think you can all appreciate how nice it would be to have your only problem be “How do we get awesomer?”
On a final note I do have a problem that I could use some perspective on. It seems I no longer need a calendar on my wall. For years I’ve stood by the theory that you wait until the last week of January, when the kiosks at the mall are selling at 75% off to pick up a calendar. That also means that all the January events in my life are hosed. (Sorry for missing your birthday Chris, but I do owe you money (super bowl coin toss bet) so I’m avoiding you) And yet here we are in Feb and I’ve just not felt the need to pick up a calendar of humpback whales or 396 kittens. (13 month calendar) So I settled for the vendor calendar from work. This year I will celebrate March looking at the installation of Intellibay fluorescents installed at the Corning Research Center in Granville Ohio. Sorry, Tyler Perry’s Intellibay fluorescents.

Jason “Tyler Perry’s wiki of Tyler Perry is an infinite loop” Newquist

Posted by: newq | December 19, 2008

This is not a Christmas post

     Under the rules of manhood, as a single straight male I am under no obligation to send out Christmas cards or an annual summary of life including some picture of my cat in a Santa hat or reindeer antlers. I prefer to bore folks quarterly, like GQ or Cigar Aficionado. You know, following a model of quality.
     With that said I am writing because if I haven’t spammed you or texted you if you’ve failed to read my facebook status, I passed my PE exam. That’s professional engineering for those who do not know. It is two 8 hour exams spaced 4 years apart. If you’ve ever seen construction prints which have a seal and some guys name on that seal certifying that your bridge won’t collapse or your retaining wall will sufficiently retain whatever needed retaining, that’s what I get to do for electrical designs. That’s right, now I can be held accountable for my errors in a court of law. I can even be personally sued! Some might ask where the fun in the power is if you can’t be evil? Well, it’s in the money. (And you can use that money to be evil. Boys we are one step closer to the dream of desalinizing the ocean!) Yes, this is worth a few shiny nickels if you work in an industry where PE stamps are required. It’s fun because the raise is about equal to the amount our dues will go up due to the large deck project the condo is undertaking!
      I am celebrating with a champagne toast at the Victory Lounge (my beloved no longer divvy divvy bar) at 5:00pm Friday. Seattle ice storm be damned. It’ll make it all the more sweet for those who can attend.
Otherwise I’m really blinded by that at the moment. Sure I met Kristin’s parents at Thanksgiving and abused their liquor cabinet, but I didn’t embarrass myself so I wouldn’t know what else to say about that.
     Finally, for those who will be in the greater Milwaukee area Monday the 22nd we are holding the annual WABI (West Allis Bicostal Invitational) at Col. Hart’s in ‘Tosa at 6:30. Did you know that the WABI attendance has doubled every year it’s been held! Did you know that the WABI distains cubed meat?! (No it doesn’t, it thinks all meat is delicious.)

Jason “Now I can afford to keep my home” Newquist

P.S. Can anyone tell me why it takes 8 weeks to grade a multiple choice #2 pencil bubble sheet exam! They count votes the same night they are cast!

Posted by: newq | October 22, 2008

Wonders I have seen…

  Well I’ve been quiet as of late and I can say that for once I have a good reason.  Her name is Kristin, and at (wait let me check the receipts… see it’s the only time in the past year I’ve been to that bar and I charged it so I would be able to always nail the day) almost 4 months I figure this has some staying power.  Her name is Kristin, she is effectively a native, and in school for psychology.  When she is not caring for the developmentally disabled she is evaluating convicts to see if they are particularly overly likely to become prison rapists or the victims of prison rape.  In short, her stories are better than mine.  We are still in the joyous early stages where we do obnoxious cutesy things like go to pumpkin patches and carve pumpkins with hot cider.

  In other news… damn their sweet sweet lies.  Perhaps we should have caught wind when Bob Seger sang “That’s why I’m going to Kathmandu.”  I hear he and the abominable are like this (cross fingers for the visual).

  As promised I did attend the Packers @ Seahawks game two weeks ago.  I found face value tickets on the lower level which, as I bought them from a season ticket holder, included passes to the Wells Fargo Club.  Not only can you buy over priced beer but you can also buy overpriced BOOZE!  Next to us was a couple in their mid 30s.  She was obviously pro Seahawks; cheering as loudly as someone who doesn’t quite want to admit it by say BUYING A PIECE OF LOGOED GEAR possibly can.  I mean come on; if you’re kicking down for tickets you can at least get a logo hat.  Her boyfriend was simply drunk.  After the Seahawks score he asked me why Dad and I weren’t dancing.  I informed him that he had apparently missed the fact that we were Packer fans.  Other than Packer Zubas and face paint I don’t know what more green and gold I could have worn.  He then informed me that he hates the Seahawks and is a Denver fan.  He quieted down for a series but then leaned over to share his opinion of the Bellevue housewife in front of us.  “She’s scary.” he said in a loud whisper.  On this point I had to agree.  Take the cast of Desperate Housewives and make them all divorcees in their 50’s.  Now remember that they don’t actually know the rules of the sport they’re watching but they do know that getting the season tickets in the divorce was the only knife they had and damn it they are going to stab as best they can.

   Anyway the girlfriend of said drunk man caught his obnoxiousness and switched places with him during a cheering session so that he was on the end of the aisle.  He sulked.  A few minutes later she said “Jeremy, don’t ruin this for me.”  2 minutes later they left.  There were 50 minutes left to play.  How not to enjoy a football game… lesson 1:  The first way to not enjoy a football game is to not watch it.  Thus concludes lesson 1.

   I will admit that I got emotional at the Packer game.  There is nothing like being 2000 miles from home turf and hearing the scattered masses rallying our cry. “Ba Ba Ba da da da! Go Pack Go!”

   I try not to be confrontational but I feel I need to share my thoughts on the upcoming vote.  Here are the guidelines I use; may they help you in your decisions.  First, if they are running unopposed, vote for them.  It’s obviously a shite job and thank God someone’s willing to do it.  Secondly, if you are uninformed about the candidates for obscure local offices don’t going messing up the fight by choosing strictly on party lines.  Do what I do.  Write in the name of a friend. Think of the self-esteem boost they’ll have!

   That seems to be the news from here.  The only other thing I would mention is that when Kristin met my dad and stepmother she decided it would be wise to catch the stomach flu first.  I would tell you how she sat at the table using all her focus to avoid recreating the scene from Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life.”  I would tell you that she was successful in avoiding that recreation, but we did have to leave early.  She was incredibly embarrassed and feels terrible about it so for those reasons I’m not going to mention it.

   Lest I make it one message with out geeking out, here’s what you can get me for Christmas… I’ll even “throw you the whip.”


Jason “Dan Wilde for Water District 32 council member in 2008!” Newquist

Posted by: newq | August 30, 2008


No that stat is not the number of years since I’ve had sex, that’s only 0-2.  But we’ll get to 0-3 in a second.


  I don’t have much but I had to say that today I attended PAX, second to E-3 as the country’s largest video game convention, and yes there is a section for board gamers and RPGers because the founders of the convention are well rounded nerds.  Finally, a years worth of video game readings justified.  From Iron Chef the video game to cheesy temporary tattoos from art institutes I will never attend it was all there.  Felicia Day, check; the production team from Rooster Teeth, check; other names that most of you don’t recognize, check. 

   And while I spent my 3 hours on a dizzying high of Guitar Hero covers and sushi based mini games the only reason to mention any of it is because I am proud to say that I have continued my streak of not speaking, when given the chance, to Wil Wheaton. (Star Trek’s Wesley Crusher for those who need the assist) (see the May 12th entry for backstory) Now some may say that I’m using him as a comic foil.  “How do we even know you’ve been anywhere near the man long enough to not talk to him?”  Well, as Bozo would say “… so you now have a photographic memento of having played the grand prize game with me. Hip Hip Hooray.”  (where upon you would open the attached picture and it would make some sort of sense)


Posted by: newq | August 16, 2008

Double Happiness

  “Corn beef hash on toast Batman!”  Have you seen The Dark Knight yet?  If not why are you reading this?  You should be in line right now.  I thought it would be creepy, yeah but not for those reasons!   I’ve not needed a stiff drink after a movie since Blair Witch!  Seriously, if you’ve not seen it your life is forfeit.


   Speaking of things that will impact your life we have to talk about the talk of the town.  Bigfoot.  Sasquatch.  Not one but two of you wrote to inform me that he was not found here in the NW but in Georgia and today was the press announcement where DNA evidence was going to be provided. is the site where you can see the critter treated in full admiration by stuffing him in a cooler.  I want to believe but early follow up shows that the DNA samples provided by Cheever, Dolby, and Cooter, were identified as similar to human, an unfinished analysis, and “possum”.  So what do we know?  We know that someone in Georgia just won a bar bet.  And NO I didn’t say possum because it’s the South and I’m making a stereotype.  That mockery was in the names, the possum part is real.


    Several years ago it was determined that if you ever claimed to see a sasquatch you would instantly lose your credibility.  It didn’t matter if you were the PhD CEO Head of Uber Humanitarian Planet Savers NGO NPC.  “You know I once saw a sasquatch.” means you will never be taken seriously again.  So even if the folks above have a dead Bigfoot stuffed in the beer fridge it can never be proven.  As soon as a “scientist” says “I’ve seen Bigfoot.” He is no longer credible and must be written off as a fraud or at best someone trying to get in on some side action of the afore mentioned bar bet. 


   And maybe its Olympic fever but I swear the eyes make the thing look Asian.  Maybe it’s part Yeti.  Maybe they travel in giant underground tubes.  Who knows?  I’ve never seen one, I couldn’t tell you.


   That was the aperitif, this is the main course.  I was called out for not writing much lately.  I didn’t think there was much of note until last weekend when Taj and I had a chance to see the one and only “Manhandle Jim”.  How did we know his name was Manhandle?  (Jim is OBVIOUSLY his maiden name) Because it was embroidered on the back of his khaki-cutoff-sleeve-bass-pro shops shirt!   Was Manhandle effeminate?  Of course not!  You don’t show those guns if they aren’t packing.  It’s right there in the name MANhandle.  And yet somehow perhaps Handle was the part he was yearning to express.

     In fair Everett where we lay our scene… Everett is the Grover’s Corner to Seattle’s well, Seattle.  The working class, off the streets by 9 sort of blue collar town with naval roots where a man can hang his hat and the meth addicts will leave it alone.  Since Taj moved up there we’ve been checking out the scene for whatever it’s worth and when I saw a bar with cheap beer neon in the window and a NASCAR logo banner out front I was sold.  8pm on a Saturday night.  Maybe it was bartendress who was 100 lbs overweight, perhaps it was that of the 9 people there (including us) 3 were over 70… maybe it was the two folks in wheel chairs which were in the group under 70, but when they turned off the Olympics I knew something magical would happen.  The magic of Karaoke night.  What 2 words can bring together such a strong vivid reaction?  Oh yeah, overly lit with refrigerator in the background Manhandle Jim belted out the finest country opener he knew how.  In a town where “that sort of thing” could be frowned upon Manhandle made the best of his closeted life and decided to let his release be in his music.  If there is an iota of rest to be found in laserdisc (LASERDISC FOR god’s sake!) karaoke he found 2.  To bad there was none to share.  God speed Manhandle. 


Jason “no gold but here to meddle” Newquist

Posted by: newq | June 28, 2008

“Does felt feel?”

   So much to get to so lets get to it. 


   First, “iiiiiiiiiiiitttt’ss true!” SKUNK BOY returns!  The best host of E!’s “Talk Soup” EVER (take that Kinnear, Sparks, and other sad replacements) , John Henson, (no not the dead one) has taken time off from his stint on the TV Guide channel to cohost ABC’s Wipeout which is a rip off of Spike’s MXC import of a Japanese game show.  Do you need a subtle insult so dryly delivered it may as well be a British martini?  John’s your man.  His co-host’s name is also John and that can only be so that he can act as a mirror for our dear Mr. Henson.  Some people may have a hard time remembering the name John and so it’s better to drive it home with two of them.


   Next up is a summer movie summary.  Is anyone else creeped out about going to see The Dark Knight?  Something about a dead actor playing a psychopath… shiver.  Hulk was watchable, and better than the Ang Lee take… Iron Man flat out rocked.  One of the things I’ve noticed though is that I wish they would just make superhero movie sequels.  You have to spend so much time establishing the characters in the first one that the action suffers.  For this reason I’m really looking forward to Hellboy II.  We already know their origins, now let’s get out there and kick some freaky looking monsters tentacle.  Wall-E gets my “Best movie ever” claim for the season.  I’ve not seen it yet but I’m sure I’m right.


  Also on the movie front Brendan Frasier, who had thankfully dropped off the planet, has dropped back into the Center of it (hah!) with two movies.  Journey to the Center of the Earth (in 3-D no less and you know how successful those movies are) and a sequel to the Mummy so good they aren’t even showing commercials for it.  It’s kind of indie that way… you don’t want too many people to enjoy it otherwise that would mean you couldn’t laud your coolness over them.  Wait, I think I channeled Sundance there, sorry.


  Oh and speaking of bad I predict Hancock will fail.  It will fail to the tune of over $100 million because it’s Will Smith in a 4th of July movie, but it will not be good… Rush Hour levels of 3 bad.  (If any of you are even thinking Smith’s other July 4th release in ID4 wasn’t that good you can shut your filthy mental mouth right now!  I will not have such heresy floating about the Karmic continuum.  President Whitmore’s pre-battle speech oozes so much goodness I’ve not had to use syrup on my pancakes since 1998.)


   In somber news our condo had an assessment to the tune of 120K.  As we’re a small building my share hits the 6K mark.  It sucks because as the President I did it to myself.  Not only that but I increased it 20K from our initial estimate.  (I’m such an ass.)  Now of course it was unanimously supported by our Board of Trustees, which I’m also on, but when Shiite hits the fan you need a figure head and here I stand at the top of the mountain.  Better yet I need a patsy.  Hrmm, maybe one of the people who own a unit but don’t live on site… like Xian (sean), he’s Chinese and no good red blooded American likes them right?  Or do we?  Are we waiting for the Olympics to determine our opinion?


   Lastly, as I always do in these messages, I’d like to end discussing puppets.  They bring me joy and like a kitten with butterfly wings they must just be the solution to all our problems.  This time they take the form of Avenue Q.  Sesame Street for adults.  One of the characters is Gary Coleman.  Not literally, but yes literally.  The super(intendant) of the block is supposed to be Gary Coleman, former child star, all grown up.  I think the fact that Gary Colman is played by a 5’9 black woman really hammers home the insult of broken dreams in considering he’s still 4’-nuttin’.


   When Taj and I saw Rent in college we said “Brilliant! I have no grounds on which to relate to starving artists and the Aids epidemic affecting our gay community!”  For Ave Q it’s “Brilliant!  Puppets are mocking my own life so closely that if they weren’t day-glo colors I’d cry!”  I recommend you see it.  SCHADENFREUDE!

Posted by: newq | May 12, 2008

Two issues both involving stars


 I don’t know if these are serious and I need to throw them off the public for feedback.  Counseling is always an option but sometimes just a good rant goes a long way towards figuring things out.


  My first issue.  I cannot for the love of me figure out drifting on a bike in Mario Kart Wii.  First, buy it.  If you already own it buy it again and then go buy a third copy and an additional Wii.  Store this third copy and associated Wii in an Icelandic cryostorage facility in a place where the electromagnetic burst associated with a nuclear holocaust will not harm it.  I’m not saying you need to play the game 24×7.  I’m saying once you’ve seen it, it’s like the internet.  You could do without it but why?  Back to the point.  Some bikes drift easily, some don’t.  Does the wheelie replace the drift? Is one more effective?  HOW THE EF did Lopez break the 2 minute mark on the tourney with the standard kart?  Every time I’m on pace the AI gets the wipe you out treat.  Kart has always been about the treats but this seems more like the pull of a slot machine than any other version.


My second issue.  I cannot bring myself to speak to Wil Wheaton.  (Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Wesley Crusher for those drawing a blank.)  I saw him at PAX in August.  There was no line at that point and still I made no move in his direction.  I didn’t even snap a camera phone shot.  I saw him again at Comicon today. (The Seattle comic book convention if you couldn’t figure it out)  The line was just starting to form and about 4 people long.  I still made no move and had no drive.  I felt bad.  He’s a geek, I’m a geek. I could get the picture for the scrap album… and yet nothing.  What would I say?  “I know you ‘cause yous was on the TV.”   Or “Your blog is OK but not enough to make read it on a regular basis.”   How about “I have no interest in your new book.”  None of these seem to work. 


I have twice been in the presence of a TV star and made no move to react.  Am I a bad American?


A pre-emptive Irish “a-ti-dilly ti-dilly toooo” to all of you out there. I know I’ve been a bit lax in my communications lately but you see I needed to take a break to go crazy… (Insert sounds of teletype machine)

Page 1

I managed to acquire the lovely flu that has been ravaging fair Seattle where we lay our scene. This was the 4 day fever followed by the chest and sinuses taking the next 2 weeks to clear out anything that has ever dared think about affecting your respiratory system that wasn’t eucalyptus related. After a week of ½ days at work and antibiotics that killed all the bugs. (including the bugs in your stomach that digest your food thus making it impossible to EAT anything that wasn’t soy-eucalyptus based) My body broke down and I had a relapse of panic/anxiety. It has been over 2 years since any sort of medication or regular therapy. The body remembers all the scary paths but the skills to deal with these gems sadly do not come back as quick.

I am recovering well, drug free, and I am surprised at how quickly the skills are coming back. Even if some days are harder than others they are managed better than they were just last week. A special thank you to Mia, Alicia, and Taj for being my core support. More thanks to those of you who dropped a line to check in and took the time to simply ask. Having a listening ear is the greatest therapy there is.

Page 2

Being in an emotionally volatile state you can imagine how heart broken I was to hear about the retirement of our beloved Brett Favre. I had long told the guys around here that the day he retired I would cry. And I did. (Let it out, it’s healthier that way) We wish him well as he cries on his huge pile of money and drowns his sorrows with bottles of Arbita while spending the day fishing.

Page 3

As if there wasn’t enough suffering in the world my PS2 flaked out and no longer recognizes my Guitar Hero III save file. If I ever want to play the game again I must start from scratch. I always thought it was a lame altera-punishment to take away kids saved games… until it happened to me. Now I know there is no mercy in video games or on the 96th hole mini-golf. (putt)

Page 4

As I had been on antibiotics I was not drinking. I stopped into the Victory (formerly the Lobo) as I was not cooking either, but they were. Relaying my tale of woe Lee in formed me that she too had the same flu. After about 20 minutes she informed me we were doing a shot. As she put up the rocks glasses she asked me what flavor I wanted. I restated that I was not drinking. She replied, “I mean which flavor of Emergen-C? Orange or strawberry?” A full service bar if ever there was one.

Page 5

It appears to be a Garfield world as this past week I stumbled upon the following. First, LIVE ACTION recreation

Second, Garfield is funnier without him

Page 6

“There is NOOOOOOO” page 6(Python reference)

Page 7

What day is St. Patrick’s Day this year? Did you say the 17th? Then you are wrong. No, no, I don’t care what your calendar says. It is a holiday in the Roman Catholic Church. They have the say. Don’t believe me? First here’s the why fluff

Here’s the support from

click on the “liturgical calendar 2008” link on the upper right hand side under “Liturgy and Readings”. Look at that web page. Would you mess with that URL? I wouldn’t, to do so would be folly.

Jason “holy day of obligation takes all the fun out of it” Newquist

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