Posted by: newq | October 13, 2013

Life and how to live it part XVI

Time flies when it is entirely consumed by a youngling and the time it’s not spent doing absolutely nothing.  All are well baby Morgan is in the 95% for length and length/weight and off the scale for head size.  For Halloween I think I’m just going to paint her head purple and take her out as Sinestro.  I’ve been trying to keep updating pictures of her on the Facebook without capturing every instant of every minute but if anyone is interested here’s a link to the Terabytes I have on dropbox.

Having a child is an incredible push to get those things you knew you needed to do but never have done, i.e. Make a will and get life insurance better than the flight insurance at the airport.  Now here’s the real secret, you don’t ever have to pay for life insurance, you just have to apply.  Some charge an upfront fee, some don’t and if you don’t take their services they refund anything collected.  But while you’re undergoing the application process it’s in force.  That is they cover you even during the 6 to 8 weeks it gets to apply and get all the tests done.  So long as you don’t mind a blood draw every time you apply you can always be covered. 

I’ve also learned that I’m going to die.  It hadn’t been my plan, my blood work is fantastic and my blood pressure is better than God’s if he has one, but for some reason I’ve been declined by three different companies.  My doctor can’t find anything in the records that would generate a red flag.  It’s disheartening to have a company tell you they don’t think you’ll be around for 20 years to say the least.  I suspect someone has a hit out on me and they’re in on it.

And finally with the largest bit of drama done I can say I finally met the neighbors.  8 months after we moved in we received a letter from a law firm stating that the neighbors to the south made a claim that our fence (which we share with the neighbors to the west) was on their property.  They’ve never so much as said hi or waved, but we knew who they were now, those “jackasses next door” (or some variant).  Having a survey department in the office is incredibly convenient in matters like these, and when we pulled the county records over the last few years I agreed that the developers had built over the line by about 4 feet.  With my other neighbor on board we crafted a letter back to the lawyer.  If they were going to be rude about it and not come over in a neighborly way I was going to make sure it cost them money by going back through the lawyer.  It basically said “If we agree the fence is in the wrong spot where do your clients think it should be?” I’ll move it once, but not twice.  Several more months went by with no response until finally, this June; we had the developer move it anyway when they came back for their 1 year warranty work. 

About a month later I see they are having a picnic with other neighbors, obviously we weren’t invited.  I had just gotten home from Bloody Mary Sunday at the Victory (now with 80% fewer ripped chairs) when I noticed that amongst their guests were two former bar regulars, Sue and what’s his face.  When the former regulars recognized me I took the opportunity to yell over and in a matter of seconds had myself invited over to the evil neighbors!  I grabbed half a dozen bottle of home brew and headed over.  Sue met me at the door and must have heard the jackass side of the fence issue as she seemed certain I was there to wreak havoc.  I was more shocked by Sue’s opinion of me but she is originally from Chicago so there’s that.

With beers open and introduction to jackasses complete I mumbled pleasantries for about 30 seconds before politely, calmly, and in a voice applicable for conversation between two people, asking Mr. Jackass WTF.  I felt like Tyrion Lannister secretly keeping all my wits about me to discern the nature and level of jackass-ery. Well he basically threw himself on his sword (pretty apt give n the previous fictional medieval reference) and admitted his errors.  I stuck around for about another half hour while talking about other things and to other guests.  I left with two new neighbors, Ben and Sarah Pulanco nee Jackass, and confident in my moral superiority. (I didn’t say I was a perfect neighbor.) 

Quick side note, Wil Wheaton wasn’t at PAX East and didn’t come to PAX Prime so if he doesn’t come to the Christmas charity auction this will be the first year of no snubbing since the trend began.  But that may be okay as I have a new celebrity to run across and ignore, the train wreck that is Danny Bonaduce.  Turns out he is a morning DJ, and the radio station he’s on is in the same building that we’ve started parking in.  I’m thinking one of these mornings I’m going to see him on a smoke break.  I’ll also add that the station he works at is the classic rock station, and while CBS has several radio stations in that building, everyone I’ve seen on that floor looks like they should be working at a classic rock station.

In parting I wish you well and leave you with this marvel of modern science. clickme


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