Posted by: newq | December 4, 2009

Life and how to live it… part X

Oh it has been way too long but I had to wait for something unexciting to happen!

       Let’s start with the world of contracting…TEAMSTERS! No, we’re not a union mandated state so these are simple scabs.  Now here is a conduit 2 feet underground and you need to get a pull string through 200 feet of straight pipe. (Andy get your mind out of the gutter) In the fiber optic industry they had giant blowers designed to do this (D*mn it Andy! Stop!) but if you are a small sub-contractor what do you do?  Use a crappy independent film from the 1990’s of course!  Enter the bottle rocket.  Go redneck, give an apprentice a bottle rocket to light with his lighter, set it in one end and watch it shoot to the far end or die trying, then remind the apprentice to tie the string to it first, then lather rinse repeat.

       Let’s get the lovey dovey stuff out of the way.  Kristin is my type of woman… she is of the opinion that no matter how painful it is, if you are on vacation in the sticks you need to eat all major meals at a chain restaurant ala Applebees and their ilk. (A quick Kudos to Steve for having the wedding most considerate of out of town guests, EVER) Additionally, she put Underworld 2 to the top of her netflixs cue as I had her watch the prequel (#3) with me, then we mutually decided we wanted to watch the 1st to see how well they tied into the original; ridiculously well is the answer.  Watching the second one is her drive to know the complete story.  A story of vampire/lycan hybrids.

     Let’s get the science geek out of the way.  The large hadron collider was finally fixed although not without its glitches, first there was the theory that the Higgs boson was traveling back through time to prevent its own finding. http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2009/10/is-a-time-travelling-higgs-sab.html  Eventually we said “That won’t stop us from creating mini black holes to kill us all… game on!”  Then a bird dropped a baguette and things looked like God was trying to tell us something.  http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2009/nov/06/cern-big-bang-goes-phut   PSHAW we say… let’s light this puppy!  And so it has been done and now we deal with our own genius. http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/11/lhc-sets-new-world-record/ Ah Fermilab, how we loved you.

     Let’s get the gaming geek out of the way.  I had a chance to play test a video game for a large east side software company who will revoke my license to their software if I name them or the game, but let’s just say I got to play the sequel to “contemporary country vs. country 2”.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Taj  has been doing a good job making sure that we keep up on the latest shooters like Gears of War 2 etc.  (Sometimes there are aliens that come down and make a ruckus.  No one asked for this but someone has to deal with it so who’s going to step up?) But it had been a good long time since I a solid hour of individual campaign.  The Wii is not known for its hardcore gamer games.  For this I could get a game for a game system I don’t own or one part of Word 2009.  I opted for Word and figured if I got to do another I’d pick Excel and be done for the next 7 years.

    Finally, let’s get the drinking out of the way.  The economy must be getting better because I was also selected to a product survey for beer.  The questionnaire was generic but still got to the basic “How many beers do you drink in a week?” common denominator.  I was a bit curious when they called at 9:30pm on a Sunday to confirm my application, “but never mind that now”. (As it is an indirect drinking story I need channel Larry Miller http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piPyfqAKf6o&feature=related )  As I arrived at the suburban destination bar and asked the bartender for “Marilyn” as my email from Debbie directed, I was intercepted by a Tom-Cruise-short short guy in his 20’s who introduced himself as being with the company doing the survey and said that Marilyn was with the previous appointment.  I believed him as I could see the current interview.  He had a camera so I expected him to take a quick picture, but I did not expect 10 minutes of polite first-date-like small talk; as though I was being warmed up for something.  He did take a face shot in a public place.  He assured me it was not going to show up in a facebook ad.  I met with Marilyn and she asked several opener questions… “Have you been here before?” (No) “What would you look at first before ordering? (Taps) “Which taps stuck out first?” (Mac and Jack’s but I’d pick Blue Moon out of the line up to drink.)  “How much do the tap handles influence your decision?”  Then it was time to get down to brass tacks… “What do you think of the Coors light handle?”  “What about the Coors light handle do you notice?”  “Would you say that the Coors light handle embodies mountain crisp refreshment?” (I wish I had made that last one up.)  For 10 minutes of a 15 minute interview we talked about the Coors tap handle and its design in relation to the other tap handles there.  I then received a crisp new $50 bill.  I felt like I had hit bucket number 6.  (Well bucket 6 was worth $100 bucks but you were lame if you didn’t hit bucket 3 so I had to embellish.  You understand.)  I broke it on a $2 Pabst.

Jason “I did not resort to boring you with the third Andy reference as the joke was established first” Newquist

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