Posted by: newq | August 16, 2008

Double Happiness

  “Corn beef hash on toast Batman!”  Have you seen The Dark Knight yet?  If not why are you reading this?  You should be in line right now.  I thought it would be creepy, yeah but not for those reasons!   I’ve not needed a stiff drink after a movie since Blair Witch!  Seriously, if you’ve not seen it your life is forfeit.


   Speaking of things that will impact your life we have to talk about the talk of the town.  Bigfoot.  Sasquatch.  Not one but two of you wrote to inform me that he was not found here in the NW but in Georgia and today was the press announcement where DNA evidence was going to be provided. is the site where you can see the critter treated in full admiration by stuffing him in a cooler.  I want to believe but early follow up shows that the DNA samples provided by Cheever, Dolby, and Cooter, were identified as similar to human, an unfinished analysis, and “possum”.  So what do we know?  We know that someone in Georgia just won a bar bet.  And NO I didn’t say possum because it’s the South and I’m making a stereotype.  That mockery was in the names, the possum part is real.


    Several years ago it was determined that if you ever claimed to see a sasquatch you would instantly lose your credibility.  It didn’t matter if you were the PhD CEO Head of Uber Humanitarian Planet Savers NGO NPC.  “You know I once saw a sasquatch.” means you will never be taken seriously again.  So even if the folks above have a dead Bigfoot stuffed in the beer fridge it can never be proven.  As soon as a “scientist” says “I’ve seen Bigfoot.” He is no longer credible and must be written off as a fraud or at best someone trying to get in on some side action of the afore mentioned bar bet. 


   And maybe its Olympic fever but I swear the eyes make the thing look Asian.  Maybe it’s part Yeti.  Maybe they travel in giant underground tubes.  Who knows?  I’ve never seen one, I couldn’t tell you.


   That was the aperitif, this is the main course.  I was called out for not writing much lately.  I didn’t think there was much of note until last weekend when Taj and I had a chance to see the one and only “Manhandle Jim”.  How did we know his name was Manhandle?  (Jim is OBVIOUSLY his maiden name) Because it was embroidered on the back of his khaki-cutoff-sleeve-bass-pro shops shirt!   Was Manhandle effeminate?  Of course not!  You don’t show those guns if they aren’t packing.  It’s right there in the name MANhandle.  And yet somehow perhaps Handle was the part he was yearning to express.

     In fair Everett where we lay our scene… Everett is the Grover’s Corner to Seattle’s well, Seattle.  The working class, off the streets by 9 sort of blue collar town with naval roots where a man can hang his hat and the meth addicts will leave it alone.  Since Taj moved up there we’ve been checking out the scene for whatever it’s worth and when I saw a bar with cheap beer neon in the window and a NASCAR logo banner out front I was sold.  8pm on a Saturday night.  Maybe it was bartendress who was 100 lbs overweight, perhaps it was that of the 9 people there (including us) 3 were over 70… maybe it was the two folks in wheel chairs which were in the group under 70, but when they turned off the Olympics I knew something magical would happen.  The magic of Karaoke night.  What 2 words can bring together such a strong vivid reaction?  Oh yeah, overly lit with refrigerator in the background Manhandle Jim belted out the finest country opener he knew how.  In a town where “that sort of thing” could be frowned upon Manhandle made the best of his closeted life and decided to let his release be in his music.  If there is an iota of rest to be found in laserdisc (LASERDISC FOR god’s sake!) karaoke he found 2.  To bad there was none to share.  God speed Manhandle. 


Jason “no gold but here to meddle” Newquist


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