A fertile turtle to you all. (that’s how you fake an Irish accent, say it fast several times.) I’m going to start with reminding you that, as I said last year, for some of us St. Patrick’s Day is a holy day of obligation. For others, a chance to simply cut loose to good music, or in other words, get “jiggy with it”.
Any arse can celebrate on the weekend when it’s easy. True devotees take time off work to celebrate the important things. I started at 3 and was done at 8…plenty of time to avoid the amateurs and still be coherent for my respectable job (although it may be hard to explain why I’m sleeping on the desk.) As usual, I spent it in an explicitly NON-Irish bar. The kind where they throw a blue puck in the urinal and you can make your own green water. So long as there is a juke box with the Pogues, all is well. (Do I have to pinch my cat because he’s orange?)
As we approach March Madness I was struck by an odd cross marking event. Listen; I know that Disney owns ESPN so I’m not too bothered when I see Goofy giving his breakdown of the team during Bracketology. What DOES bother me is why my 12 pack of AA Energizer batteries decided to include a Shick Quatro razor? Are my batteries going to be prone to a 5 o’clock shadow? Is it that if I get bored I’ll try to shave the battery and then will be so impressed with the way 4 blades smoothly glide over the curved surface that I’ll be convinced that it must work for the line of my jaw or the trick of the Adam’s apple? Perhaps it’s already worked. CURSE YOU MARKETING! But really, wouldn’t it make more sense to include it with a car battery? And why be sexist, why not Lady Shick? Don’t women need AA? Or do their battery needs run closer to 9-V? A-OH! (I don’t even know what that was supposed to mean)
That’s it for me folks remember the 10:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show; it gets a little blue so leave the kids at home. Enjoy the veal, GOODNIGHT!
